Question:
In our region of Baluchistan, when someone dies, people stop their daily work for about five days to sit for condolences. Relatives and friends come and go during this time, and the local imam must stay with the bereaved family for three days. If the imam does not participate, he can be dismissed. On the third and fourth days, food is served to guests as an obligatory act. Some families even take loans to provide this food. Local scholars attend these gatherings and justify them with traditions from the Sunnah. As an imam, I need guidance on these practices.
1. What Is the Proper Way to Offer Condolences in Islam?
In Islam, it is a Sunnah to offer condolences (ta’ziyah) to the bereaved family, giving them comfort and urging them to be patient. The recommended way is to visit the family before or after the burial, express sympathy, and pray for the deceased and the family. The words used for condolences can vary, but some of the best phrases include:
- To Allah belongs what He takes, and to Him belongs what He gives. Everything has a fixed term with Him.
- May Allah increase your reward, improve your consolation, and forgive your deceased.
2. The Current Practice of Condolences
Condolences involve two main actions: comforting the bereaved and praying for the deceased. However, some practices, like raising hands for a collective prayer without speaking any words of comfort, are incorrect. The excessive rituals described are not from the Sunnah and should not be obligatory. If they are enforced to the point of causing distress, they should be abandoned.
3. Responsibilities of Local Scholars
Scholars should avoid participating in non-Sunnah practices to prevent them from being seen as a justification for these rituals. They should agree on promoting the Sunnah way of offering condolences and educate the public through sermons and Friday prayers about the correct methods and the importance of avoiding innovations in religious practices.
4. Participation of the Imam in These Rituals
The imam should avoid participating in non-Sunnah rituals as much as possible. If compelled to attend, the imam should use the opportunity to gently educate people about the correct practices and the reasons behind them.
5. Mandatory Feasts on the Fourth or Fifth Day
Providing food to guests during mourning is discouraged in Islam. It is more appropriate for neighbors and relatives to provide food to the bereaved family. Serving food, especially if it leads to financial burden or loans, is against Islamic principles. According to a narration by Jareer ibn Abdullah:
“We considered gathering at the house of the deceased and preparing food after burial as a type of wailing (niyahah), which is forbidden.”
6. Observing Mourning for Three Days
It is permissible to mourn for three days to help cope with grief. However, refraining from mourning entirely and expressing full acceptance of Allah’s will is preferable and more rewarding.
7. Changing the Field of Service
Despite challenges, continuing to guide people with patience and wisdom is important. If you feel that staying in your current role compromises your principles, considering a different area of service within the Islamic framework is advisable.
Proper Duration and Etiquette for Condolences
Question:
- What is the proper way to offer condolences? Is it correct to offer condolences immediately after the funeral prayer, which delays the burial?
- How long should condolences be offered? How many times? How long should one sit for condolences?
- Is it permissible to eat food at the bereaved family’s house? Should they serve food to visitors?
- Who are considered the condolers and the consoled? Are there different rules for each?
- How did the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and the Companions (RA) practice condolences and sending rewards (isāl-i-sawāb)?
- Are current societal practices in line with Sharia? What changes should be made to align with Islamic teachings?
Answer:
- Condolences should be offered by visiting the bereaved family, offering words of comfort, and praying for the deceased. The best time is after the burial, not immediately after the funeral prayer, to avoid delaying the burial.
- Condolences can be offered up to three days after the death. Offering condolences more than once is discouraged. Women should not sit for condolences.
- It is discouraged for visitors to eat at the bereaved family’s house unless they are travelers with no other option. Neighbors and relatives should provide food for the family.
- “Mu’azzi” refers to the person offering condolences, and “Mu’azza ilayh” refers to the bereaved family. Both should seek to gain reward and solace from the act.
- Sending rewards (isāl-i-sawāb) is best done individually through prayers, recitation, or charity without gathering people or organizing events.
- Current practices often include innovations not supported by Sharia. Emphasis should be on simple, sincere condolences and individual acts of kindness and charity.
FAQ: Expressing Condolences in Islam
Conclusion
Islamic teachings on offering condolences emphasize simplicity, sincerity, and avoiding financial burdens. Educating communities about the correct practices helps maintain the purity of Islamic traditions and supports the bereaved in a meaningful way.
